Right, so, for those of you who think I am not alive, here is proof that I am. I've been busy with various things, and feeling the post-high angst that I was talking about earlier.

I haven't been doing what I had planned to do. I haven't been going to as many events as I should, or seeing and meeting as many new people as I can. I love the friends I've made here, but I want to make new friends as well. When you hang out with one group of people for too long, you get used to their routine. You don't branch out. You remain in your little Scripps/Uni bubble and stay there until kingdom come.

My roommates (flatmates) are lovely people, but we are fundamentally different. Being from different countries, of different cultures, and of different subjects, we don't see each other as often as I see other people, and when we do sit down for dinner, conversation is strained and awkward. It is the first week, and we haven't started classes yet, but I want us to be more than flatmates. I want us to be friends.

I'm also spending all of my moneyyyyyyyy.

Today I auditioned for the choir, and felt the teacher was judging me for being a dumbass American. I got a bagel and a latte straight after that and they were playing "How You Remind Me" by Nickelback on the speakers. Today is just not my day.

I'm used to Scripps, where everything fell right into place the first day I arrived. People were kind, events were awkward, and the weather was so sunny. I had all my stuff in my room, a hallway full of friends, and, eventually, the Hooligan family. There is very little of that stuff here. Not to say that EVERYTHING IS AWFUL, on the contrary. everything is great. I'm living on my own and haven't died yet. I've managed to

Is it that I feel isolated here? I've already done two or three douchebag moves that I did not mean--obliviousness? Is it that I feel that everyone is so involved in their own stuff, and that they don't want to let me into their social circles?

Waah waah no friends waaahhh.

Like, now, for instance. I'm sitting alone in my room feeling sorry for myself because I haven't made the effort. I'm getting very bored of Fresher's week. EXTREMELY. I've already fucked up so many times that I'm seriously doubting my decision to think I can live on my own.

I am just feeling very lonely and PMS-y and don't want to be forced into any more uncomfortable situations. I'm a friendly person. I make the best of what I'm given. But old fears are creeping back and causing me to react badly. What I'm thinking right now?

Everybody must think I'm the biggest loser-freak in the world.

I miss the USA. None of this bullshit ever happened there.

Once classes start, I'll feel better. But now it's just crap.