On Being Ill in Scotland

It sucks. Did I mention how much it sucks?

What sucks even more than the obvious suckitude is that I don't know what this illness is. I don't have a stuffy nose NOR does it run; it can't be a cold. I don't have stomach problems, nor backaches, nor leg aches, nor any other kind of ache. No headaches, even. I'm dizzy and lightheaded. My ears hurt sometimes. My sinuses hurt sometimes. But not all the time. If it was an ear infection, I would have trouble hearing. If it was a sinus infection, I would have actual problems with my sinuses.

I call my mother and tell her about my symptoms, and she says it's a "virus".

What kind of virus? Herpes virus? Flu virus? AIDS virus? Tumor virus?

After class today, I went to the doctor to try and register/see someone about my problem. Of course, since I'm only here until December, they suggested I go to the pharmacy because they were so busy that day. Sidenote: when there is literally NOBODY WAITING IN THE WAITING ROOM, I have a hard time believing you're up to your eyeballs in sick people. So I go down to the pharmacist, I describe my symptoms, and she gives me Sudafed. I can't take Sudafed. It's a vasoconstrictor. If I take it, my brain will go squish and I'll have another stroke. Lovely.

I go to the bus stop, still dizzy, still lightheaded, but this time burning with bloodlust. I think, what would Jesus do?

He'd go and turn their asses into piles of salt, that's what He'd do.

So I go back and say "I NEED TO SEE SOMEONE, LIKE RICHT NOW." Of course, being so busy, the soonest they can see me is tomorrow at 11 AM. Better than next week, which is what I was previously told. I take the card begrudgingly and then take the bus (with a renewed bus pass--woo) to the New College, where i sit now, fueled by rage and fear.

Being a hypochondriac is awful. I always expect the worst of my illnesses. I think I have MS or a brain tumor or AIDS or meningitis whenever I have a three second headache. When I'm sore from capoeira, I think I'm dying. I get a tummyache and think it's an ulcer. I constantly have to bite my right finger just to make sure I have appropriate sensation. I freak out ALL THE TIME, even though most of my problems are in my head, It sucks to be constantly paranoid, and not be able to see a doctor right away.

Oh, that's another thing I hate about this country. Back at Scripps, you could just pop over to the Health Center, wait a little while, and see a doctor right away. That put me so much at ease. Here, even if you trek all the way to the Health Center, you have to have an appointment. Oh, and another thing, they don't do walk ins for Temporary students. ASDGSFAFDGVV

59 Days Left. You can tell I'm enjoying Scotland when I have to constantly keep reminding myself of that.

I know I should be looking forward to the months ahead, of Halloween and visiting Vickay and going home and seeing the Barely Legal Coed and GOING TO SEE LADY GAGA IN CONCERT and singing with the Hooligans...but I CAN'T BE EXCITED if I'm worried I'm going to be catastrophically ill.

I think I'm skipping class again. I can't do this.